born to trouble as the sparks fly upward

02:14 pm: a longer review of that movie with that kid and those things
( children, wake up, hold your mistakes up )

I just wish I'd have seen this movie when I was still young enough to need it.

Tags: holding hands with monsters

05:56 pm: fyi: still insane
Yeah I'll get to what's left tomorrow.

( Five fanon facts about Renton and Eureka that make watching E7 worth it )


( Five times Batman didn't tell Stephanie Brown to go home )


( Five fanons about Shinji and Hiyori from BLEACH, all of which are filthy and wrong )

Tags: army of masks, five things meme, gotham nights, taste the rainbow

11:11 pm: just fyi i am insane
I don't think I can manage any others tonight because these took so damn long and ended up HUEG LIEK XBOX, so I am just saying now: I'll get to the rest of these tomorrow. (These really ended up more like fic than anything else; I swear to god that wasn't my intention, as I have already mentioned how much I dislike my writing most of the time).

For now:

( Five pieces of fanon for Relena and Heero from GUNDAM WING, which is really about how much they can't fucking say three simple words and/or don't need to )


( Five times John Silver didn't regret leaving Treasure Planet behind, all of which are deep and pure and not at all made of trashy pirate lovin' )


( Five pieces of fanon about Kei and Kaneda from AKIRA, which should *really* just be 'Five times Kei and Kaneda had sex with each other' because that's what it turned into )

Tags: abandon the old in neo-tokyo, five things meme, it's a gundam!, x marks the planet

02:36 pm: accomplished perfect physician my ass
arionhunter finally writes that essay I've been waiting for Avery to write about DC Comics' Great Ten superteam and the fucking disgusting cultural poaching they represent.

Go, read (and watch the ARMOR HERO opening while you're there, it's pretty cool). The concepts ze's taking down in that essay are FULL OF FUCKING FAIL, but Avery's putdown of each one is masterful. I have such fucking smart and awesome friends.

09:46 pm: IBARW requests, day 4
I have some bad news for you guys. I've just been informed that tomorrow we're going to Canada, and I'm going too, and therefore I probably won't be able to finish all ten of the ones I promised I'd do - for sure! - by the end of the week. That doesn't mean I'm not going to try, but I might have to postpone the completion of all these till next week unless by some miracle I can knock out two more pictures in the next seven hours (which will require me not sleeping, as well).

This makes me very cross.

On the plus side, though - if I can't complete all ten by tomorrow morning, I'll just do all six of the remaining requests next week, since, you see, I won't have any time constraints to worry about after that.

Anyway. Here we go.

All images 500x500px.

First: ( Dutch, for simargl_wings )

Second: ( Noguchi Machiko, for ilyena_sylph )

Tags: ibarw

09:03 pm: IBARW requests, day 3
Yes, yes. I know. But I've set up a system, and I'm damn well going to follow that system even if it doesn't make any sense.

All images 500x500px.

First: ( Lala Gonzalez, for furikku )

Second: ( Shilo Norman (Mister Miracle III), for alephz )

Tags: ibarw

12:12 pm: IBARW requests, day 2
Images, same as before, 500x500px.

First: ( Beatriz da Costa (Fire), for kefanii )

Second: ( Blaise Zabini, for wyomingnot )

Tags: ibarw

10:45 pm: IBARW: this is my life. this is a white lie. this is why you fight.
I did not intend to make this post.

---

This is not a post about fun things, or good things, although it should be: I am so fucking honored that eid_ka_chand wants me to do art for their month o' Ramadan character-spam, I cannot tell you. I'm kind of floating on vibes of pure awesome right now.

Which is why I made the mistake of telling my mother "Yeah, I've got an invite to do art for this fan comm for Muslim characters in fiction during the month of Ramadan, it's totally awesome!"

Naturally, she wants me to be careful it's not some sort of clever attempt at brainwashing me into converting to Islam and/or a sekrit terrorist front.

What I said was: "It's just for fun."

What I wanted to say was: "Get the fuck out, I can't believe you'd even say that."

But I don't have the relationship with my mom where I can say that and she'd listen.

---

A conversation between two of my friends at the local Chinese restaurant, two days ago:

"Of course you like noodles, Chris, you're Asian."

"Actually, you know, since I'm Korean, if I had a stereotypical food I liked to eat, it'd probably be kimchi. But I've never even tried it. I think it'd make my mouth explode."

---

It's not in the past, in history, where it can't touch anyone, and is only an ache like some people have when it rains; it's here, all around us, every day. It is all-pervasive, it is slick, it is larger than life and bigger than the Beatles.

It is white boys in doo-rags listening to Geto Boyz and thinking they know shit. It is a convention attended mostly by Americans that proudly claims it is the "Convention of Otaku Generation" (sic). It is "why are all those anime characters white?" It is "black people on book covers don't sell". It is THE BOONDOCKS disappearing from the funny pages because people "didn't like its tone". It is nobody batting an eye at Illinois Nazis while Barack Obama has to answer for the mistakes of Louis Farrakhan. It is people finding SIXTEEN CANDLES funny.

It is all those little white lies, told every hour of every damn day, solidifying into a malignant cancer of the conscience.

And sometimes the best we can do to fight it is to sit down at a computer and type words into a little box, and hope that someone else sees them, and knows what we're talking about, or will learn.

The best we can do is exactly what we have to do. Cancer doesn't die by ignoring it. You have to kill it. So we have to kill the lies. Open our mouths. Put fingers to keyboards, like horses on battlefields, and change the world with words, one line at a time, one voice at a time, one listener at a time.

Fight back.

Tell the world: Come get some.

That's why we talk about it; that's why blogging is necessary. Sometimes we can do nothing else, sometimes there is nothing else left to do (because we're already doing enough of everything else).

Sometimes you just have to say something.

---

I didn't intend to make this post. But I had to say something.

Tags: ibarw, racism: why would you ever

08:14 am: so! IBARW has started.
That means I'm going to do what I did last time I was in a situation where I had the time to do something like this (because the results turned out so well), and open this up to anyone who wants to swing by:

Give me the name of a character of color and I will draw them. If you have a preference for hairstyle and costume, all I ask is that you provide me with pictorial reference so I get it right. I am, because of the theme, specifically looking for CoC who don't live/weren't born in the US; however, I'll draw anyone.

Going by the last time I did this, I'm going to say I can only handle ten requests if I'm going to finish them all by the end of the week (I AM SO SLOW ;o;) - so, first come, first served, first ten responses (cumulative across all three journaling services I crosspost to) are guaranteed a drawing of some kind. I can't be sure I can pull it off, after that!

Requests Taken

01: Lalah Sune, by thelastsong. COMPLETE.
02: Shuuichi Nitori, by kanata. COMPLETE.
03: Beatriz da Costa (Fire), by kefanii. COMPLETE.
04: Blaise Zabini, by wyomingnot. COMPLETE.
05: Lala Gonzalez, by furikku. COMPLETE.
06: Shilo Norman (Mister Miracle III), by alephz. COMPLETE.
07: Dutch (no last name), by simargl_wings. COMPLETE.
08: Noguchi Machiko, by ilyena_sylph. COMPLETE.
09: Inanna, by havocthecat.
10: Nemesis, by erf_

ALL TEN REQUESTS HAVE BEEN TAKEN. However, I will take four more on a provisional basis, provided y'all understand I may not actually get to those in time; I just hate to say no. :(

11: Teyla Emmagan, by tielan.
12: Roman "Rome" Pearce, by katarik.
13: Charles Gunn, by lady_ganesh.
14: Soheila "Sol" Aboujib, by chomiji.

And that's, well ... that. Thanks for all the requests, you guys. THIS IS SO MUCH FUN YOU HAVE NO IDEA.

Tags: ibarw

02:00 pm: green means go

06:25 pm: fifteen simple steps to poison your own well
Elizabeth Bear did it, and now you can, too!

1. Make a post about "Writing the Other."
2. Get called on your own failure to follow your own advice.
3. Fall all over your pantsless ass apologizing and pulling up your britches, claim to moderate comments in case people claim your ass ain't bare.
4. Don't moderate comments.
5. Let your friends call the people pointing out your failure "unintelligent", "overemotional", and "an angry mob". Don't say anything to contradict them, and when confronted with this, ban people from your journal for doing so.
6. Let discussion continue till other white folks get involved, insult intelligence, credibility, ability to perceive racism of people pointing out failure in lurid and explicitly vulgar detail (see also: "nithings" and "orcing").
7. When asked if you're at all able to comment on this behavior by people representing themselves as acting in your best interests, ban questioners for lowering tone of discussion.
8. When confronted, claim "it's not about me", disable comments, refuse to discuss further, ban anyone attempting to engage people making racist comments, don't ban the people still making racist comments.
9. Make smart decision, shut the fuck up, let discussion run its course (without you, beyond you, ignoring you, because you have demonstrated inability to participate in it without being disruptive and "lowering tone of discussion" to borrow your perception of rest of discussion).
10. Fail to politely take "friends" to the side and tell them "you're not helping" at any point during discussion. Watch as conversation moves on. Never apologize. Never compromise. Not even in the face of armageddon. Never compromise.
11. Presumably, breathe sigh of relief that now nobody will call you on your failure again.
12. Silently observe associate of yours get upset that he can't control level of discourse, involve fellow nutcase, and willfully attempt to silence white ally and badger her until she is no longer able to participate in discussion without fear of reprisal. "Silently": means you say nothing about the gross breach of ethics this is.
13. When this (justifiably) breaks into offended rage, write post about how your earlier falling all over your own pantsless ass wasn't actually motivated by recognizing your own failure but was in fact only a cheap ploy for sympathy and accolades from the panut gallery who were obviously not as awesome as you because they took you at your word when you wrote it.
14. Later, edit post to claim somehow this was meant to imply sympathy for white ally who was threatened, badgered, attacked. Show up in comments and give off impression of manic-depressive off your meds, alternating between apologizing and accusing all critics of being suspect because of one person receiving threatening phone calls, ignoring all arguments from critics to effect of denying involvement and/or encouragement of such abuse.
15. Fall all over your pantsless ass apologizing and pulling up your britches, claiming that you will now delete all previous entries related to this subject "for good of discussion". Screen comments on post where you say this.

Anything I missed?

04:22 pm: art: combat rock
Raze and Lucian from UNDERWORLD: RISE OF THE LYCANS, drawn from memory so no promises on the accuracy of the clothes. Just fucking around with my new rapidograph and brushes.

( just a rage and three kinds of yes )

Grr rar, and all that stuff.

01:12 am: not really a meme, not really a content-filled post
Five vids I wish I could make but don't have the skill or software to successfully make:

1. Song: Stars, "Calendar Girl"
Source: MAGICAL GIRL LYRICAL NANOHA A'S
Focus: Wide-focus plot-centric vid of fluffy puppies and angst. I have wanted to make this vid for two years now; I will either make it myself someday or commission someone to do it for me during Sweet Charity. I can see the scenes for every line so vividly that even though I know it makes no sense I am convinced Stars wrote this song specifically so that someone could make a Nanoha vid set to it.
( lyrics )

2. Song: TV on the Radio, "Hours"
Source: MOBILE SUIT GUNDAM WING
Focus: The pilots being ... well, the pilots. I don't know; I keep trying to write Wing off like the goofy style-over-substance misfire that it really is, but there's something that keeps dragging me back to it and making me love it because it's so gleeful about its status as the redheaded stepchild of the franchise, and despite myself I love the pilots and at some point after rewatching the series last October I also pulled out RETURN TO COOKIE MOUNTAIN and within the first minute of "Hours" I knew this was a song about Gundam pilots in a five-man band. It could conceivably work for GUNDAM 00 as well, but honestly, I think "Hours (El-P Remix)" is a better version of this song if that was going to happen. This one's too bouncy to fit 00 as well. And I have just showed you I think far too much about these things.
( lyrics )

3. Song: The Delgados, "The Drowning Years"
Source: Mai-HiME
Focus: "Third-person limited", if such a term is even applicable to a vid, specifically focused on Mai and Yuuichi and the relationship surrounding them as well as their own, because I have a fucking OT5 and even if I'm just focusing on two parts of it everybody else is in there. This is an agenda vid: it's about Yuuichi and Mai's respective falls and the way they orbit each other in the process. The first chorus is, in my head, Mai's; the second Yuuichi's. This is a relatively new one compared to the others, but the Delgados in general make a lot of music that ought to be used in anime vids of a certain type and I'm surprised I didn't go "OMG WANT" at any of their songs sooner. (In fact, the Delgados did get used by an anime once! GUNSLINGER GIRL used "The Light Before We Land" as its opening theme.)
( lyrics )

4. Song: Tv on the Radio, "Dirtywhirl"
Source: TENJHO TENGE (manga)
Focus: Maya Natsume. I don't actually think this one needs much in the way of elaboration. Trust me, if you've read the source and know the song, it will be very clear to you that the only reason nobody's made this vid yet is because vidding a comic book - especially one as chaotic/kinetic as TenTen - is damned near impossible to do well. This is another vid I've wanted to make for at least a year and a half.
( lyrics )

5. Song: Bob Dylan, "Stuck Inside of Mobile With the Memphis Blues Again"
Source: NEAR DARK (You can legally watch this on Hulu now, just so you know.)
Focus: I'd say "Caleb's journey" but ... that's basically the film's whole plot. I have nearly mapped out how I'd vid this movie to this song already, so this vid's hypothetical creation would just be a matter of doing it (which I can't, as I have not the necessary equipment). Also, the metaphorical weight of the song is totally the same as the movie, that whole sense of a "good ol' boy" in waaaaay over his head in a place that ain't so good for his health or sanity. It is basically the movie in a song! And as such it needs to be a vid for the movie, so people can watch it and understand why the damned thing is so fascinating and appalling to those of us who like it. (Because it is such a wonderful film about a trashy, vicious, imperfect, raw little story, and this is a wonderful song about trashy, vicious, imperfect little lives.)
( lyrics )

Blah.

03:43 pm: huh.
This is interesting. I don't think I worked up a post about it here, but I remember going to see BABYLON A.D. and walking away horrified by the implications of and dumbness in it, and then picking up the book it was based on - BABYLON BABIES - and being horrified all over again once I'd realized how much the novel was torn to shreds and turned awful.

So it's rather nice to know that was never Diesel or Kassovitz's intention, now. But it's painful to realize just how horribly 20th Century Fox screwed over what could have been a seriously fucking amazing movie, and instead turned it into something awful and ugly and repulsive - and that I never even knew it had intended to be anything else.

I don't know, though; Kassovitz made GOTHIKA and it wasn't very good, either, and he blamed that on studio interference, too. It's entirely possible what BABYLON A.D. would have been still wouldn't have held up well. His track record in English-language cinema isn't very encouraging.

But from his quotes, it's clear he understood the point of the book better than the movie that bears his director's credit would indicate, so in this case I have to say he's right to be pissed because he's probably telling the truth about the movie. Which is just plain depressing to think about - if BABYLON A.D. had been done even halfway decently, it would have been one hell of a trip, and at the very least thought-provokingly weird. Which is close enough to the spirit of the book - a bizarre melange of politics, religion, economics, metacommentary, philosophy, cutting-edge science and dimestore pulp action wrapped around a juicy treatise on the rottenness of the idea of a "just war" - that anything done to screw up the plot would have been forgivable.

Instead, we got half-naked nubile teenagers trying to get in the pants of mercenaries at least three times their age, as well as all sorts of magic-pregnancy awfulness, some violence, and very little else. Compared to what might have been, that's just pathetic.

05:42 pm: in the war on flame
This is about tone.

Hold still.

This is going to hurt a bit.

It might even (gasp!) leave scars.

Funnily enough, I don't much care if it hurts. I've carried scars from this kind of thing most of my life, and I live with their presence every day. If you get hurt because of what I have to say, I don't much care, because these are scars that hurt me always, in ways you will never understand.

( understand that it's here that i'm coming from )

You don't fight fire by being nice to it. You hit it with water. And you make a little smoke in the process, but it kills the fire.

And killing the fire is the only important part, when the fire's already eating your skin.

So fuck off already about tone.

12:53 pm: It occurs to me that I am so terribly quiet here because I haven't nearly as active an flist as I'd like to have; I am pathetically easy to spur onto activity when I have lots of people being active near me already, and lack of constant information for me to devour means I get quiet real fast.

(There is also RL to consider, but!)

So. In the interests of maintaining my interest: are there any people, oh flist, that you think I ought to have friended here on IJ that I, for whatever reason don't?

I know there's usually a friending meme that goes around for this, but as I missed it last time and I would feel incredibly self-conscious trying to host one of those on my own, I'm just gonna keep this quiet and simple: anyone I ought to be reading but am not? Any asylums I ought to join that I'm not in?

:x

12:13 am: cmshaw made me do it!
( that icon meme )

also, ( i have been (re)watching BUBBLEGUM CRISIS TOKYO 2040. )

10:46 pm: addendum to "notes from the underworld":
Oh, look, Chi's not my friend anymore. I wonder why.

Funnily enough, I don't much mind! I wonder why.

(Perhaps it has something to do with my utter disgust at her entire behavior in response to what I thought was a reasonable fucking plea for people to consider that if they're willing to research string theory and kelpies in their stories they should be willing to research real people, too; perhaps it has something to do with her telling PoC their experiences don't matter to her. Or perhaps it's really because two-thirds of the way into the discussion, she thought saying "I wasn't paying attention" was a suitable apology.

(Fucking hell. I never expected this shit to come from one of my friends. I feel ashamed of myself.)

04:51 am: bsg 4x13 'sometimes a great notion'
i'm not awake enough to register anything other than OH GOD, THE AGATHON FAMILY IS THE CUTEST THING EVER.

this episode was really bleak! but i liked it. even the parts i want to punt with a steel pole.

oh man, i missed the days of this show being able to rip my heart out like that was something i needed.

12:27 am: notes from the underworld
Full disclosure: I wrote, and posted, this on my LJ first. Much of the discussion is happening there, on LJ. But this is something I feel strongly about, and suited to the goals of both journals - and I'm reposting it here.

I find it really fascinating, and by "fascinating" I mean incredibly disheartening, that in the recent discussion on race and racism in fiction of all kinds, when well-intentioned, smart, thoughtful white folks get up and say "no, you know, I thought I got it right but in listening, I clearly got it wrong" and these are, again, smart, thoughtful people, that barely two comments in other white people jump on them and say "YOU HAVE NOTHING TO APOLOGIZE FOR THESE MINORITIES JUST WANNA WHUP SOMEONE FOR BEING WHITE".

Because that's really what it boils down to, and it's horrifying and upsetting to me. Because, you know, these people reflect back on me. These are my people, as horrifying as that is to acknowledge: I'm white, and no matter how out-there I get on other issues (and this isn't about one kind of privilege being more important than others, except for how in this situation, because we're discussing it in this situation, racist privilege very clearly is) I will go to sleep white, I will wake up white, tomorrow I will eat and breathe being white, I will be white till the day I die and nothing is going to change my cultural context and privilege.

I cannot be something besides that. I cannot magically score points for being non-racist and have this somehow negate my being white. This isn't even about scoring points, because it can't be, that's like saying privilege is a, I don't know, basketball game where the object of the game is to prevent the other team from calling foul when you're constantly punching them in the stomach, and I don't think it works that way.

The point is, nobody writes what they know. Even when they're writing self-inserts, because even Terry Goodkind writes about crack like evil chickens and do you think Goodkind's ever met a chicken that he hasn't bought in a grocery store aisle pre-cooked, half-price, southwest rub? The worst thing that happens when somebody writes something they don't know about (again, to use Goodkind as an example) people call them on it, make fun of them for it, wonder how their editor ever thought they could get away with it, or feel so insulted that they, well, write scathing reviews about it.

So, to all those other white authors who feel like this in any way actually limits their ability to write (and I've been there, honey, I know how you feel, but that doesn't mean you're any less wrong for buying into that nonsense):

Congratulations, your words are no longer your own. That's terrifying, isn't it? To realize that someone who isn't you could be reading those words and - gasp! - forming opinions about them that don't agree with what you intended to say!

No, it really isn't; because outside of a few cases and even those are borderline, when writers publically release their stories they are not doing so with the intent that only they will read their stories now that their stories exist where other people can see. They are waiting for someone else.

And, if you're a writer, you ought to realize by now that whoever that "someone else" is going to be, chances are pretty high that someone isn't going to be you.

They're not going to eat the same food you do, they won't walk the same roads as you, they won't necessarily speak the same first language, they won't share all or any of the same cultural signifiers, they will not be you.

And, here's the rub: you're not really writing about things you know, but eventually you're going to have to write about something they know, and if you get it wrong they'll notice. This is a natural part of writing stories. This is why editors and friends exist, so you can get their advice first - and, you know, unless you live under a rock, your editors, your friends, your family of any kind? They are also not you. Your editor will use a red pen, your friends will punch you, but in the end, it's all the same: they'll tell you you done fucked it up if, in fact, you done fucked it up.

And if they don't? If they miss something? (Because people are not each other and not everyone notices the same things, after all.) Then where's the fault in a fan, a stranger who wants to do nothing more than express an interest in your work, pointing out what they missed? Where's the fault in doing a little research to make sure you're not missing everything? Where's the fault in realizing that what you thought would work can't, and having to change something? Doesn't that happen anyway? At least in a situation like this you'll have an idea of where to start! (Hint: it starts by asking about the thoughts of people who aren't you! How shocking a concept! Writers must never do anything so abhorrent as reach out to other people! That would be, I don't know, limiting! Somehow!)

You're not writing yourself. You're not writing for yourself. You're writing for other people. Why are you so afraid of finding out how they think?

(And, to all the non-white, minority, often-invisible, unnoticed, half-tongued readers and writers out there:

Say it. You've got the right, even if we - and, by now, I think it's clear what "we" means, so I'm going to use it here - try and tell you you can't, even if the words we use have years of privilege and power and control behind them, you should not need our permission to stand up and say: "you fucked up, you're wrong, I wanted to see me and you gave me you instead," because at the end of the day, writers aren't writing for themselves.

We write for, and about, other people.)

Both parts of that - "other people" are important. We're not writing for ourselves. And we're not writing about objects of interest - we're writing about people, with different lives and different influences and different cultures that are not going to be our own.

Fuck, the non-white writers get this. They grew up reading about people who aren't them. They grew up hearing, all the time, about heroes and heroines and sidekicks who aren't them. They get that writing is about other people - other people, written, is pretty much all some of them ever got to see when they were kids!

Congratulations, your words are no longer your own. I said that earlier in this spiel, but they might mean something different to you now. Think about that, in the context of growing up with a skin color that ain't white and speaking one language in your house and having to learn English to speak anywhere else.

And if you think that kind of thinking is too hard, well.

Fuck you, you racist little shit.